The setting of this tale is the long ago land of Ignertia. Ruled by the great Shaman Leader (the only position left since he quit his real job last year) Tennbow! In the early hours of morning, whilest the sun was still behind the flat edge of the earth, and the dew formed on the beer cans strewn about the small farms dotting the mountainside, the distant pounding of the drums could be heard. Now the people of Ignertia were getting used to the drum beat, usually a sign that the royal palace of Tenbow the Great had once again gone a little over-board invoking the great BUDDUMMER!!

Little did the people of Ignertia know, that the Shaman Leader was once again planning an offensive on the arch enemy of the land--THE MAGNIFICENT HAWG!!!!!

Now it appears that after laying around doing nothing thru the winter months, the Shaman Leader and his cronies, being egged on by the scents of spring flowing forth from the various plants growing in the region, develop this strong need to run rampant through the hills of the land, making damned fools of themselves. Story tellers attribute this phenomenon to a rare INHERITED genetic disorder known in those times as COUSINOUS COPULOUS (probably had something to do with being too lazy to walk across more than one of those steep hillsides on a Friday night)!!

Anyways, the drums were beating, summoning all the Shaman Leader's messengers-Who were again givin the sorry task of swindling the great archers of the surrounding lands into coming in to do the Shaman Leader's dirty work-SLAY THE MAGNIFICENT HAWG!

Now knowing the great archers of the other lands were not easily duped, the Shaman Leader gathered the help of other undesirables not unlike himself-Bob of The Swamp Peoples, Cat and TexasT-understudies of the Great Texican (who, by the way--evidently can't come out and play) and probably some others not even worth mentioning!! The plan was simple--Promise trinkets of value-T-shirts, Trophies and buttons. Why they even stupped so low as to promise distilled liquids and tobaccos from far away lands-to entice the great hunters into joining their cause.

Evidently it worked!!! One by one the great archers sent their messengers, telling of their intent to help the less fortunate peoples of the southern regions rid themselves once and for all of The Magnificent Hawg!!!

The stage was once again set! This is what REALLY happened ...................

Tune in at 10 PM EST the evenings of May 4 thru May 7 for live updates !!



THE ARCHERS

Panhandle Bob, Tennbow, Bowdad, Balto Bob, Bowyer, MD Joe, Mike W,FEARLESS,labdad, rogerb,fat eagle, Cam, Mutt,Missy, SPIDERMAN,Weegie, Shuteye,DWS, Thunder Ridge, T. L. Nugent, flash, Delores Farmer, Eddy Farmer, Rachele Lord, Bernie Patrick, Hogwild43, TexasT, Roger Yenn, Mark Padget, ScottinLA, Cat, Janiz, Sasquatch, Mystery Hunter1, Mystery Hunter2, Annie



The Magnificent Hawg Hunt 2000 will be large enough to accommodate everyone who wishes to attend. I have reserved the Lodge for the entire week of May 1 - 7, 2000. We will run 2 consecutive, over-lapping groups to insure everyone gets to meet their fellow BS'ers (Bow Siters).

The first group will arrive on Wednesday, May 3rd and hunt on Thursday and Friday, departing on Friday as the 2nd group arrives on Friday to hunt Saturday and Sunday.

As usual, seniority rules as to group preferences. Those brave MHHI hunters have dibs on their choice of hunts as do those of MHHII. I expect that we will have over 60 hunters and the spaces are filling very rapidly.

Now, here is all the information you need:

#1 The cost is $525.00 per person. This includes 2 nights of lodging and food, all kill tags and licenses, guides, dogs (if you want them) and transportation to and from the hunting areas in Caryonah's state-of-the-art fleet of hunting vehicles.

#2 I will coordinate transportation to and from the Nashville airport for those who wish to fly in. It is approximately a two hour drive from Nashville.

#3 You may choose your hunting method. You may be placed on stand by the guides in high-traffic areas and still hunt, you may spot and stalk in a group with a guide, you may hunt with the dogs in groups, or you may choose to simply stalk about the woods waiting on the hogs to find you.

#4 Meat processing is available at a VERY reasonable price: To have your hog cut into quarters only is $20.00. To have it cut into pieces (roasts, loins, ribs, hams) is $40.00. Taxidermy services are available as well. The cost is under $300.00 for a large head mount. The taxidermist specializes in Boar mounts and does an outstanding job. Corsican Ram, Barbarossa Sheep, and Dall Sheep are also available at Caryonah if you prefer those animals. You will want to tip the guides AND the cooks as this is their primary income source. $20.00 - $40.00 is normal and proper.

#5 To reserve your spot you must send a check for $100.00, made out to Caryonah Hunting Lodge to:

Jeff Coggins 538 Bass Ln Mt Juliet, TN 37122

I can insure that you will have a wonderful experience at Caryonah.

The lodge itself is a magnificent wooden structure with a huge collection of antique guns and indian artifacts, as well as innumerable impressive mounts. There are two fishing lakes with bass, crappie and catfish available at no extra charge.

I look forward to hunting with you.

Jeff (TennBow) Coggins



IMPORTANT MESSAGES FROM THE HEADQUARTERS OF THE SHAMAN LEADER!

The Shaman's Corner
Rather than answer innumerable questions over and over again, I the great Shaman leader of the cousinous copulous clan shall present words of wisdom, advice and comfort to those brave souls stupi...., err brave enough to join the MHH2K.
First a few facts about this year's victims:
There are 16 confirmed Hawg Virgins.
There are 6 members of the gentler sex joining us.
The state most represented this year is Virginia with 5 bowhunters and Spiderman.
The number of states represented this year is 18.
The great Shaman has hunted with 16 participants at least once. CAT has had the honor of the Shaman's presence 3 times.
Mutt and Missy will be spending their first vacation together in over 20 years during this year's hunt.
A 250Lb boar may have tusks over 6" long and sharp enough to slice paper.
A wild hog can run over 30 MPH for short distances.
The average height of the Smokey Mountains is 5,018ft. The tallest mountain in the Cumberland range is 3,000ft (Mt. Mitchell) ergo Caryonah is made up of hills not mountains.
Caryonah is the oldest and largest Hunting Lodge in Tennessee.
Until next time, the Great Shaman wishes blood and guts on all your boots, preferable the hog's.


The Shaman's Corner

Greetings once again, vaunted wingnuts! Your Shaman Leader is hopeful that you can read.
The Lodge is completely full for the weekend portion of MHH2K. No bed is empty, although the Shaman's psychic powers foretell little use of them except as gear-holders.
Here's a well kept secret. Kept even from the Shaman himself; Bernie Patrick is a SHE!
The Shaman's scribe and tailor, the lowly BeerBoy, will need some up-front money for the shirts. I do not know how much money as BeerBoy only recently learned to count past 21 (if you get my drift).
Dinner at the Shaman's Palatial Country Estate will be served Thursday evening for those who wish to attend. The Shaman's Chief of Military Protocol, (TWD) demands a head count.
The Shaman will be working out a hunting rotation list for the morning, afternoon and morning of the weekend hunt. Groupings are based on several factors, known only to the Shaman and his Council of CoHorts. The results will bring gladness to the hearts of the wingnuts.
Until next time, the Shaman Leader wishes no chicken bones be stuck in your gullet.


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