This writing, and the accompanying illustrations, serve as an account of a dark period in history when a sinister band of archers traveled from the far corners of the earth (well, the country, at least) in search of the Magnificent Hog. The Magnificent Hog, a mystical creature, had been told of in the storytelling of many generations of tribal warriors that inhabited a region that is now known as Tennessee and Louisiana. There has never been any account of a region between the two, presumably due to the two tribes inhabiting these areas, known in those times as the Texicans and the Ignertians, being loathsome creatures known for their thievery and cunning, leaving the land between them uninhabitable.
In the spring of the year 1998, the greatest bowyers of the region, led by Tennbow, of the Ignertians, and Troy, of the Texicans, gathered in a place known only by name to outsiders, Caryonah. From this place they would launch an all out offensive of the cunning and trickery for which their tribes were famous, to slay the Magnificent Hog. To perform such a feat would surely make them the greatest bowyers of all the regions of the Americas (or at least make them the envy of their redneck buddies)!
The mighty bowyers made sacrifice to the gods of spade, club, heart, diamond and even evoked the great BUDDUMMER, the most powerful and most worshiped god of Ignertia for three days without even time for food (with a minor exception of scrapple on cat head biscuits)! But alas the Magnificent Hog was nowhere to be found.
This three days of frustration is said to have driven the great Troy of the Texicans and Tennbow of the Ignertians completely insane. Troy vowed to never return and Tennbow knew he would require the services of greater warriors than those found in the Southern region if he was ever to rid his land of the Magnificent Hog.
In the spring of the year 1999, the great shaman leader of the Ignertians, Tennbow, sent forth his messengers to the corners of the world. Their task was a simple one. Lie, cheat, steal, or whatever! Do not return without bringing the greatest bowyers of the regions to help hunt down the Magnificent Hog! Soon the ancient form of communication known as That Damned Computer was abuzz with acceptance letters from the truly great bowyers of all time, ready to travel afar and help the less fortunate and feeble minded people of Inertia rid them selves of the Magnificent Hog, once and for all!!!!
From the great island across the big river would come Hudson Mike. From the Texas region, TexasT. From the swampland to the south came Panhandle Bob. From some place up north no one's ever been to, the team of Mutt and Missy. From the most noble and powerful region,Virginia, the great Spiderman, slayer of dirt, along with The Great Rupini, and MDJoe of Maryland. Why, in order to rid themselves of The Magnificent Hog, invitations and acceptances were even gathered from Shuteye the Sleeping One and, the Dreaded PA and NJ regions (sorry guys, too many names to mention).
The stage was set! This is what REALLY happened ...................
Tune in at 10 PM EST the evenings of April 29 thru May 2 for live updates !!
Panhandle Bob, Tennbow, Bowdad, Balto Bob, Bowyer, MD Joe, Mike W, Deerman, Drug Man, Cam, Mutt, Hudson "Mike" Hascal, SPIDERMAN, Belfundi, Eagle, Shuteye,Toby, TexasT, Roger Yenn, ZULU,
One Arrow, Dakota Kid, C2, Cat, Rupe, AJMSC/JERRY , Annie
By
The REGO
Thus it is written in the Origins Of Our Greatness (OOOG) about the saving of our Clans.
Long ago in the dark mists of a dark and desperate time, the leaders of all the Great Clans sent many messages back and forth by smoke signals known as MacIntoshes and PeeCeeshus decrying the hunger and desolation of their people. The leaders knew that if they did not find a way to feed their people the people would rise up and smite them and maybe even steal their beloved Buddummer away from them.
The leader of the Tennesseus Studeralis Clan, known as the Reformed Exalted Great One, and the leaders of the Texican Grineralis Clan, known as Troy Greenhorn and CAT hit on a plan to provide meat to their peoples. Their plan was to sneak away from the tribe in the darkness and travel to the hallowed hunting grounds of Caryonah in the land of The Studeralis ancestors.
But alas! The Neophytes and the Groupies would not allow the great leaders to sneak away. They followed the Texicans and they flocked to the REGO from the dark regions of Alabama and Georgia, where the greatest of their warriors was the female Annie the GateSlayer. They came from the great frozen northlands where snow lay deep on the lodges. They slunk through the muck and mire of the swamplands of Maryland. The great Scribe Jay Campbell of Florida brought a young boy so that he may learn from the masters.
The Ceremonies of the Magnificent Hawg Hunters became legend among the peoples. Gifts were exchanged in the Name of the REGO. Awards were given and received and new names were given to the hunters. The REGO showed his generosity by graciously giving token to the Poker Players among them.
The Magnificent Hunters indeed brought meat and stories back to the people and the people were glad. The people were also greedy bastards and demanded more of the succulent Hawg Meat. Such a hue and cry went up among the people for more of the meat that the REGO had no choice but to give up more of his valuable time to spread his wisdom on how to slay the mighty hawg.
The REGO found out that his great nemesis, Emilio Rupini had weaseled his way into the next Magnificent Hawg Hunt in an attempt to undermine the authority of the REGO. But the Great Texican CAT would have nothing of it. The war of words was an ugly thing to see, and many challenges were exchanged. The Ohioans entered the fray on the side of the evil Rupini, but the REGO called on his brother clans in the Great White North and the Michiganders. The evil Emilo called for his evil axis powers from Virginia and New Jersey and that most horrid of lands, Pennsylvania.
Using all of his powers and a couple of phone calls, the REGO called to the far reaches of the earth to his brothers in the La-La Lands of California and the exotic islands of Hawaii. They answered his call from the Dakota Regions and Annie The Protector was to bring more Georgian reinforcements to combat the plans of the evil Rupini. The Certified Alabama Maniac pledged his bow and his appetite to the REGO.
So the stage was set. The players in place.
The wars of the 2nd Magnificent Hawg Hunt would be terrible indeed and only one of the great leaders would emerge victorious.
Who would it be??
Stay tuned for the battle as it occurs..
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